An OmKimbus of Odd Possibilities
by SHADO Commander
Summary: Kim and Shego play dress up in Story #10 - plus Kim makes a difficult choice,Alien Abductions, Poems by Drakken, bad crossover fics, Kim and Shego's last fight, Decorating tips, Drakken tries an online service and a new look at The Lotus Blade!
1. Final Bout

AN: What is this and why is it here? Well, an Omnibus is a collection of things, so an OmKimbus is a collection of things relating to Kim Possible. As to why it exists, in the six months or so I've been posting KP stories on FFN and elsewhere, I've found that I've generated a LOT of really short stuff. A LOT of it. So, rather than make you open dozens of short little drabbles one at a time, I'll just put a bunch of the short bits and random bits of stuff all in one place. Nice and convenient, isn't it? Legal stuff will always be at the bottom to avoid spoilers.

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**An OmKimbus of Odd Possibilities**

A collection of really short schtuff by SHADO Commander

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Chapter 1

FINAL BOUT

Shego flew twenty feet and slammed against the wall… twice actually, the first impact being her spine and the second the back of her skull. Gasping desperately for breath, she frantically tried to focus her blurred vision, all the while hoping that the 'crunch' that she'd heard had been bricks and not the base of her skull.

God, what in the hell had gotten into Kim? Prior to the girl's disappearance last year, predicting the former cheerleader's next move would have been as instinctive for Shego as breathing… but now the redhead was landing brutal hit after hit in rapid succession and switching between styles at a blinding pace. So much for the rumors that the teen hero long absence had been the result of her succumbing to some rare illness or poison contracted on one of her out of the country missions. Granted, it had seemed as good a reason as any to explain the eight months Possible had seemed to disappear off the planet, but if the redheaded whirlwind had ever been sick at all, she was certainly showing no signs of it now. In fact, Shego was doing well just to minimize the damage to herself.

Speaking of which, her vision was coming back into focus just in the nick of time. While Kim hadn't chosen to press her advantage while Shego was on the verge of blacking out, she hadn't stopped steadily advancing either. The green combatant barely had time to ward off the hero's next swing with the back of her own arm, but in the split second her eyes were focused on that task, Kim's knee slammed into the villain's stomach with staggering impact. For one horrifying second, Shego knew what a toothpaste tube must feel like as her insides were pushed to either side and her front and back met internally.

It was too much. The remnants of breakfast spewed out of Shego in a geyser and she collapsed to the floor, desperately bringing up her flaming hands in a last ditch effort at regaining the offense…

Only to stare in shock as Kim's gloved hands caught her own. There was a sound like frying bacon and Kim's gloves vaporized, revealing a second, silver, pair beneath… and then Shego screamed as she realized that the metallic material was turning her own heat back on her.

"Did you really think I'd fought you all these years and never worked out a way to counter your plasma?" Kim smiled grimly, increasing the pressure inside her fists as Shego felt her own bones start to give. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"I… I…" SHego gasped for breath. " I didn't think…"

"No, you didn't," Kim agreed. "But then again, neither did I."

Kim tossed Shego across the room again, a strange look in her eyes.

"You see, I blindly accepted what everyone else told me. That your plasma was just heat and kinetic force. Harmless unless I actually got hit or burned. So that's what I believed until I started getting sick."

"Wha…?" Shego moaned.

"That's right," Kim nodded, "It's low level, but you're radioactive. Made worse by the fact that your powers are always on, unlike your brothers. Drakken's mutations made him somewhat immune, though he's probably got brain cancer due to the continued exposure. If you've been wondering why he seems to keep getting nuttier and nuttier, just look in the mirror to see the reason."

"As for me," Kim growled, "I nearly died. You almost killed me."

Shego could only make a wheezing sound that could be charitably credited with sounding like "I didn't mean to…"

"I know that. Even if you had known, there's no way you would have wanted to cause this," Kim smiled thinly, reaching up and pulling open her shirt, to reveal a rippling mass of muscles… rippling GREEN muscles. Even with her blurring vision, Shego could see where the flesh colored makeup on Kim's neck ended. "Gamma Radiation poisoning. It's a bitch… but I don't blame you. Which is good, because otherwise I'd be REALLY angry…"

"And trust me, you don't want to see me when I'm angry."

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_**LEGAL SCHTUFF:**__Kim Possible, and Shego are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc, and this story should be considered to take place during a timeframe in which all sexually active parties are over 18 years of age.. _


	2. Lampshading

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Chapter 2

Lampshading

Writen in response to Neo The Saiyan Angel's Slash Haven challenge "When Lampshading and Cliché Goes Over 9000"

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Ron was still puzzled by the term. Lampshade hanging? Why did that ring a bell?

"Hey Kim," he yelled without thinking, "Is Lampshade hanging a gay reference?"

The blonde sidekick stopped abruptly as he realized how that might have come out. "I mean, I was just wondering because I was reading this article on us and it said that the way I keep losing my pants is a clear case of lampshade hanging, and I just wondered if that was some kind of gay thing, 'cause, ya know, I wouldn't know 'cause I am totally not gay."

" No one's saying you're gay Ron," Kim replied as she entered the room holding a stack of mail, a pair of old-fashioned green sunglasses pushed back on her head. "Lampshade Hanging is a writers' trick of making something ridiculous fit in a story by having a character or the narrative call direct attention to it so the reader has to accept that it's there."

"Ah…" Ron nodded, feeling much more educated.

"Besides," she added, "This is a Disney Show; at best they'd make some kind of subtle reference about a profession or hobby that might be stereotypically attributed to those involved in alternative lifestyles."

"Ah ha…" Ron nodded again, feeling much more secure in his masculinity.

"By the way," the redhead continued as she sorted through the large pile of periodicals and junk mail, pulling aside a copy of PLAYBOY. "Just why do you have your magazines delivered to MY house instead of yours?"

"Oh, uh..." Ron looked around evasively. "I... er... spend so much time here that I must have got confused when I filled out the forms."

"Riiiight..." Kim deadpanned. "Well, here are your copies of INTERIOR DESIGNER MONTHLY and LIZA MINNELLI FAN QUARTERLY."

"BOO-Yah!" Ron chortled, grabbing both treasured tomes in his surprisingly well manicured hands. "Monkey Fi... I mean SOMEONE said there was a great article on French Polishing in this ish! I'll be up in my treehouse if you need me!"

Kim watched Ron dash off and sighed. That boy was in such denial! Could he really think she didn't know he was getting LIZA-Q to study for his act for the talent show? Or had he somehow already forgotten how she'd walked in on him last month as he was practicing his impersonation in full costume?

"Oh well," she sighed, disappointed in both Ron and the fact that her copy of Nude Body Builder hadn't arrived. "I'm sure he'll figure it out eventually..."

_"After all,"_ She thought, as she made her way back up to her room, pushing her green specs back in front of her eyes and taking her first look at May's Playmate of the Month, _"That boy's no more gay than I am."_

_fin_

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_**Author's Note: ** Hmmm... I see to have written a companion piece to my own "AND THE BAD NEWS IS..." How does it turn out? To learn, you'll have to read THAT story too! _**_LEGAL SCHTUFF:_**_Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Liza Minnelli is the creation of Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli and is the property of herself. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc, and this story should be considered to take place during a timeframe in which all sexually active parties are over 18 years of age.. _


	3. Poems From A Blue Heart

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POEMS FROM A BLUE HEART

Being a short collection of the literary works of D. Drakken, Esq.

Compiled by SHADO Commander

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_TO THE ATTENTION OF:_

_DR. BETTY DIRECTOR_

_FROM: _

_ARCHIBALD VIST, DATA RECOVERY_

_This is a notice that information retrieval has completed processing all the data stored on the personal computer of Dr. Drakken that we retrieved from the ruins of Lair 39D. As per mandated procedure, all technical information has been sent to Advanced Research while the entries of a more personal nature are being sent to you alone. Correspondence via HenchMail is in the attached files, as always, but I believe you will find the latest of the Doctor's more private works to be more intriguing and informative. To this end, I point you specifically to the set of entries that I have taken the liberty of reproducing directly below. Should you have any further questions, I remain_

_Your humble agent_

_Archie Vist_

Dr. Director smiled as she finished Archie's missive. The truth was that she'd become rather addicted to the little surprises GJ usually found on Drakken's computers. The man was brilliant in more ways than one, and his little essays never ceased to surprise. Thus it was with great pleasure that she sat down to read.

**Existentialism**

_Rose are red,_

_Violets are blue,_

_And so am I._

_D.D._

**Curious **

_When Shego fights Kim Possible,_

_I think it affects her brain,_

_Now she's locked herself in her room, once more,_

_And listening to Melissa Etheridge (again)_

_D.D._

**Hell**

_Being blue really sucks,_

_Sometimes it's even hell,_

_For example I just hit my thumb with a hammer,_

_But did I bruise myself? I can't tell!_

_D.D._

**Gang Boy**

_Let me tell you something homey,_

_You better stay off of our turfs_

_Cause we're the baddest gang of bad mo' fos,_

_And nobody fucks with us Smurfs!_

_D.D._

**On Reflection**

_I can't undress in front of my mirror,_

_I always have to look at the walls,_

_Because my sexy blue body so excites me,_

_That I always get a case of blue balls._

_D.D._

**Haiku**

_If the Japanese_

_Are really so far advanced,_

_Why don't their poems rhyme?_

_D.D._

**A Blue Thought **

_Do you know why Little Boy Blue_

_Had to blow his own horn?_

_It's because you can't get a B.J._

_When your penis looks like Indian corn._

_D.D._

**In Hot Water**

_There's a hole in Shego's shower,_

_Through which I like to spy,_

_Oh Look! She's turning round now!_

_And now she's… AAAAA! My EYE!_

_D.D._

**Words Hurt**

_I think I hit a new low today,_

_It really made me fell poopy,_

_I went to rob a casino in vegas…_

_And they thought I was a Blue Man Group groupie!_

**Confusion**

_Okay, I'm started to get worried now,_

_I'm seeing things that just can't be so,_

_I swore I just saw Kim Possible,_

_Sneaking OUT of my lair (with Shego!) _

_D.D._

Dr. Director stopped for a moment. Yes, this was worth following up on. Opening up a new screen, she quickly began to type:

_TO THE ATTENTION OF: _

_DR. SEYMOUR PATIENCE, PSYCHOLOGY_

_IMA SNOOP, SURVEILANCE_

_WILL DO, GENERAL BUSYBODYNESS_

_FROM:_

_DR. BETTY DIRECTOR_

_Gentlemen and Lady, attached find the latest from Doctor D. Please perform the usual follow up and analysis… and Ms. Snoop, please check to make sure that the transmitter we placed on Ms. Possible is really still functioning. Either Drakken is hallucinating again (always possible) or Kim and Mr. Load are spoofing our systems again… _

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_**LEGAL SCHTUFF:**__Kim Possible, Betty Director, Dr. Drakken, Shego, Will Du and all other characters and concepts borrowed from Kim Possible are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc, and this story should be considered to take place during a timeframe in which all sexually active parties are over 18 years of age.. _


	4. Advance Agents

AN: A little ditty inspired by a challenge of LoveRobin's at the Haven…

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**ADVANCE AGENTS**

**By SHADO Commander**

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"Breaxpod! Breaxpod!" Genetech Breaxpod, second in command of the Fourth Auxiliary Galactic Genetic Optimization Team looked up in alarm as his Senior (and only) workmate Kxmlto ran into the room screaming in the language of the local natives.

"What is it now?" Breaxpod demanded. "I've just exposed the first test subjects to the third stage mental adjustment virus and I really need to be monitoring their reactions."

"No!" Kxmlto gasped in horror. "We need to stop, NOW! I just got an urgent clarification from Doctor Major Domo at Galactic Justice and we are so anally intruded upon!"

"Oh bloody freen's pins," Breaxpod groaned. "What? What have we done now comrade-workmate?"

"What else?" Kxmlto grimaced. "It's the prespeccking Universal Translators we've had implanted! We were supposed to make them one way and thanks to the stupid trans-chip interference and the moronic local dialect we were programmed with, we've been working in entirely the wrong direction! We were supposed to be creating a retrovirus that would CONTROL their feelings, make them feel more happy and content with their lot in life!"

"Oh shazbot!" Breaxpod's face went pale. What they'd been working on went in… well, rather a different direction entirely. "This is going to be as bad as that stupid cookbook debacle, isn't it?"

Breaxpod's building alarm was interrupted by a low moan from inside the observation chamber. Taking a peek at the test subjects they'd beamed aboard, he felt some of his panic begin to dissipate. "Well, maybe it's not as bad as we think it is?"

"No… we can't be too safe," Kxmlto growled, pacing anxiously. "What do you say we just release them back into the wild and vacate this planet while we're ahead?"

"I like the way you think Kxmlto!" Breaxpod agreed.

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The shimmering transporter beam that suddenly deposited the quite naked and happily fornicating couple back on the earth was a miracle of science. However, neither woman was of the mind to pay it the slightest bit of attention.

**"**God, Kimmie," the green woman gasped, "I don't know what's come over you... but I LIKE it!"

"mm-hmm..." Kim groaned. "I don't know either. One minute I was angry and irritated, the next second I was looking at you and realized that what I actually was, was totally gay for you! Now shut up and keep licking..."

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_**LEGAL SCHTUFF:**__Kim Possible, and Shego are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc, and this story should be considered to take place during a timeframe in which all sexually active parties are over 18 years of age.. _


	5. The Worst Crossover Fic Ever

_AN: There are some stories that are meant never to be written. This is one of them. And for damned good reason._

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**FRAGMENTS FROM THE WORST CROSSOVER FANFIC EVER WRITTEN**

**Retrieved from the land of Not To Be by SHADO Commander**

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"'Allo! Meesa Jar Jar Possible!" The hideous creature in cargo pants flapped its gills at Ron and Bonnie for emphasis. "Meesa can do anything!"

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"Listen carefully young Possible," the diminutive green female Jedi master scowled as she rapped Jar Jar across the knees with her knobble cane. "Attention to Mistress SheDah you will pay, if strong in the ways of the Mystical Monkey Force you wish to become."

"Mesaa tink Jar Jar no like this," the salamander like (girl? did it matter?) whined. "Why SheDa no call dis _other_she mention?"

"Knowing fuck why, I don't," SheDa glared. "After Empire, apart all fell storywise."

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"No Ron," Darth Stoppable hissed. "_I am your father._"

Ron rolled his eyes and bent over to pick up his pants. "I know you're my father, dad. You raised me."

"Oh, uh..." The helmeted accountant back-peddled. "Well then, how about... _Hana is your sister._"

"Knew that too. We live together, remember?"

"Ah... yes..." The Dark Lord of the Accounts Receivable Department sighed. "In that case, er... _go straight to your room and do your homework._"

"Sure thing," Ron nodded, scooping up Obi Wan Rufus and heading upstairs. He wouldn't actually do his homework of course, he'd be 'playing with his 'lightsaber' while looking at those sleazy pictures Princess BonBon had sexted him again... but as long as he did it in a sock, who would ever be the wiser?

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Ron couldn't believe it... at long last, he and Princess BonBon were alone, nobody was trying to kill them, and that annoying Jar Jar was on a different planet with Wado Calrissian and Tarabacca. More than that, BonBon had told him the three words he'd always dreamed of hearing from her sweet, virginal lips: "Ride Me Hard!"

Unfortunately, it was at exactly this moment that his magical mystical monkey force had decided to hide in the back of its mental cage and through poo at him.

"Please," he begged, thinking frantically of bananas. BIg bananas. Juicy bananas! Sliced... oh, maybe not those... but other than that! "I'll do anything!"

But no luck. His lightsaber was unpowered, his hyperdrive undriven and his parsecs seccing wind.

"Ron..." BonBon moaned, thrusting her naked hips toward him, her Grand Moff yearning. "Please! Now! Shoot your Y-Wing up my exhaust port! Monkey Fist me! DO SOMETHING!"

"I'm er, having a little trouble," Ron admitted, praying for a miracle.

And suddenly, Obi Wan Rufus was there with a tube of SABER-LUBE!

"Tadaaa!" The naked mole rat cheered, pointing to the label "NOW WITH EXTRA CARBONITE!"

"Oh thank God!" BonBon groaned. "Help him get it up Obi Wan! You're my only hope!"

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"Grand Moff Barkin," Princess BonBon Rockwalla's eyes narrowed. "I should have expected to find you holding Stoppable's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board."

"Actually, Stoppable is off reviewing accounts on Dantooine," Barkin grinned. "And this leash is yours. Along with some very nice ankle restraints."

"What?" BonBon's eyes flew up in alarm, then, like the rest of her, went down as the Principalian Storm-Bebes on either side of her grabbed her lean young body and threw her to the floor. Resistance was futile as they tore her clothes from her protesting flesh and clamped the bondage collar around her neck.

"Yes," Barkin gloated at the naked, snarling Princess on the floor. "If Darth Stoppable was here, he'd insist on using one of those worthless interrogation drones. MY way is much more enjoyable."

"I'll never tell you about the secret plans hidden in the droids I just launched to the planet below," BonBon gulped.

"Nope, didn't hear that," Barkin agreed, jerking the leash that led to the collar around BonBon's neck as he dragged the nude and scrabbling Princess into his office. "Probably won't hear it the next seven or eight times either, but feel free to keep volunteering information."

"There's a weakness in the DeathSchool," Bonnie whimpered as the door shut behind her, "One plasma bolt in an exhaust port finishes it! Stoppable has a son! There is another! Rosebud was a sled!"

"La la la la la, where's that paddle?" Barkin gloated as, outside, his Storm-Bebes looked at each other with evil anticipation. When Barkin was done with the Princess, he'd promised to let them have her. It had been a long time since they'd had a Bondage Queen…

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"Misa no understand!" Jar Jar wailed. "Misa suppose to be star! Why me hasa so few scenes?"

"Because you suck," Kim Solo snarled, blasting the obnoxious amphibian to atoms with her trusty blaster. "I can't believe they used some of my cels to help clone you."

"What happened?" Tarabacca asked as she came in from the bathroom, where she'd spent the last six hours shampooing and conditioning her luxurious golden locks, only to be confronted by a hundred pounds of flash-cooked Gungan mudpuppy.

"She shot first," Kim Solo lied.

"Of course she did," Tarabacca agreed, taking a gun from a drawer and putting it in the smoking salamander's fingers. "Now this time let's remember to alter the tapes BEFORE the police get a hold of them."

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The End? Probably not.

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_**Ye Old Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible, Shego, Wade Load, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Rufus, Tara, Mr. Stoppable, Hana Stoppable, Mr. Barkin, The BEBEs and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Jar Jar Binks, Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Obi Wan Knobi, Lando Calrissian, Han Solo, Chewbacca and the Imperial Stormtroopers are the creations of George Lucas and the property of Lucasfilm. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18. Okay? Okay!._


	6. Square Deal

_AN: Spawned by the same Haven dance challenge from Ffordesoon that gave birth to DISCO KIMFERNO. The Caller was created as part of a Haven story help thread to create new Go City villains._

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**SQUARE DEAL**

**A quickie by SHADO Commander**

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Kim stopped and looked around. This wasn't an active lair… there was dust on all the beams and rafters… even the occasional cobweb on the wall… yet the floor had been meticulously swept clean. That didn't make any sense.

And then there was the minor question of where Drakken and Shego were. The message she'd received indicated that they were up to something that had to be stopped immediately… That was the main reason she was here by herself. Ron would just have to catch up once he got back from his date with Yori. Kim had TRIED to get ahold of him, of course, but if there was one thing that she'd learned the hard way over the course of her best friend's romance with the Japanese girl, it was that trying to find two ninjas when they didn't want to be found was a fools errand.

Kind of like this mission was looking to be. Drakken hadn't been here in at least a year, and if he wasn't here then…

"Princess?"

Kim dropped into an automatic combat stance as she heard her former arch-rival's voice coming from… somewhere… Kim's yes scanned left right up… Aha!

"Right here, Pumpkin," Shego grinned, assuming a wary stance of her own. She was wearing the same form hugging skintight outfit she'd worn in her villaining days, which gave some truth to the message, but that was quickly undone by the pale woman's next words.

"So why did you want to meet me, Kimmie?"

"Me? I got a message to come and…" Kim stopped before she said something she might regret. Now that she thought about it, it was a little embarrassing how readily she'd been willing to assume that Shego had gone evil again. No, to be honest, how hopeful she'd been.

Fortunately, Shego didn't seem to catch on to what Kim had been thinking. She was too busy in her own thoughts.

"So… if YOU didn't call ME, and I didn't call YOU…"

"Then who…?" Kim picked up the thread…

"Called both of us?" Shego finished.

The answer came in the bizarre form of a fiddle playing.

"Oh no!" Shego gasped, her face going even paler than usual. "The Caller!"

"Huh? What?" Kim asked, but it was too late.

From out of every corner of the room, a smooth melodious voice suddenly spoke and Kim felt her limbs beginning to tingle.

_"Places all,"_ the voice spoke and Kim felt her body suddenly stand straight. _"Bow to your corner, bow to your own."_

"What the hell is going on," Kim asked in disbelief as she found herself bowing twice… once to an empty corner of the room and once to Shego.

"One of the sickest villains Go City ever produced," Shego shivered, completing a bow of her own. "He makes you Square Dance."

And then the jug and the bass joined the fiddle and the true horror began!

_"Three hands up and 'round you go," _the disembodied voice sang, and Kim watched in terror as she and Shego's bodies moved as if of their own accord!

_"Break it up with a dosey-do.__  
__Chicken in the bread pan kickin' out dough,__  
__Skip to ma Lou my darling."_

This was impossible, Kim thought. She didn't even know HOW to square dance… it had banned as cruel and unusual punishment by the Middleton PTA years ago!

_"Green lady takes red, you pretty little thing,__  
__Promenade around the ring…"__  
_  
"What the hell do we do?" Kim whispered to Shego as, cheek to cheek, they danced in synch together around the center of the cleared out section of the floor."

_"Big foot up and little foot down,__  
__Make that big foot jar the ground."_

"Wait for him to stop," Shego moaned. "The only other thing is worse."  
_  
__"Ladies together nose to nose, step back and take off your outer clothes,"_

"Worse than this?" Kim asked disbelievingly, as her own hands pulled her shirt against her will over her head. At least she was doing better than Shego… apparently there wasn't that much under the catsuit… just a tiny black thong and… GARTERS?

"Maybe not," Shego admitted, having never lost step during the entire striptease. Meanwhile Kim was down to her bra and panties, the latter bearing the monogram TUES.

_"Back you go and forward again.__  
__Step right up with an elbow swing,__  
__Skip to ma Lou my darling." _

"Alright," Shego gave in, "But I want you to swear you will never admit it to ANYONE!"  
_  
__"Allemande left with the old left hand__  
__Follow through the right an' left grand." _

"For God's sake yes Shego!" Kim screamed, "Tell me now!"

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"Excellent work, Ms. Possible," Betty Director nodded. "We weren't even aware the Caller had escaped until you called."

"Yeah," Will Du shook his head as if he had seen his worst nightmares realized. "Those guards he'd bewitched had been dosey-doing with each other for over two days when we checked. I've never seen anything so evil."

"I have," Kim muttered, only to be poked sharply in the ribs by Shego.

"Ah, yes, and thank you to you too, Ms. Go," Doctor Director added. "Would I be correct in assuming that your prior encounters with the Caller lead to your being able to defeat him so easily."

"There was nothing easy about it," Shego glared, looking back at Kim, then to Betty again. "And no, we're NOT going to tell you how we did it."

Betty looked at Kim hopefully, but saw the same refusal branded in her eyes.

"Right," Betty sighed. "Well, we'll be taking him off then."

Kim and Shego watched as the Caller was carted off in the special soundproof paddywagon designed to handle sonically enhanced meta-humans.

"I won't tell anyone," Kim promised again. "I'd have to admit what I did myself."

"Yeah," Shego sighed. "The thing is, sometimes to defeat a great evil, you have to use an even greater evil to defeat it."

"True," Kim agreed. "But the Chicken Dance…"

"Don't even SAY it," Shego shuddered. "I'm trying to blank it out of my mind."

That thought seemed to prompt another in the former villain. Well, a couple, actually, some of which revolved around monogrammed panties. "Hey, are you legal yet? You wanna go get a beer?"

"No." Kim responded to the first question, then looked at the green woman with interest, wondering about certain... garters. Oh, what the hell. "You wanna go to Canada? That's where I usually go to get plastered."

"Your hovercraft or mine Princess?" Shego smiled. "Your hovercraft or mine?"

_fin_

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_Bonus points to the first person to place the source of the music!_ _**Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible, Shego, Betty Director and Will Du and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Jar Jar Binks, Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Obi Wan Knobi, Lando Calrissian, Han Solo, Chewbacca and the Imperial Stormtroopers are the creations of George Lucas and the property of Lucasfilm. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18. Okay? Okay!._


	7. The Lotus Pitch

"The Lotus Blade! It slices! It dices! It severs the limbs of your enemies and NEVER needs sharpening! That's right, NEVER! The secret's in the special MMP coating that keeps that razor edge sharper than the current user will ever be! Oh darn! Where did my sword go? You'll never be saying that with the Lotus Blade… because it always comes back to you! Isn't that amazing? Need a staff? Need a spear? What about a toothpick? The Lotus Blade adjusts in size and shape to be anything you want it to be! That's right! Who needs that old Green Lantern ring when you've got the Lotus Blade? The Lotus doesn't have pesky problems with the color yellow and it NEVER needs recharging! But that's not all! Add the special attachment and it makes julienne fries, radish flowers… even cole slaw! It's one of a kind, the only one like it in the world, but if you accept your role as the CHOSEN ONE now you'll get a second one free! Just pay postage, handling and the balance of your soul! That's TWO Lotus Blades, two special attachments and two mystical monkey-skin scabbards, all simply for becoming our champion! But wait, there's even MORE! Act now and we'll throw in a "Repel Alien Invaders" Punch at no additional charge! But this AMAZING offer is only available for a limited time! Call, text or e-mail YamanouchiCo now and get YOUR Lotus Blade TODAY!"

"So…" Sensei wheezed, gasping for breath as he finished, then turned to the delightfully nubile young ninja perched on a large rock in front of the Altar. "Your opinion, please?"

"Truthfully, Sensei?" The young woman cocked her head to one side thoughtfully. "To be honest, although Stoppable-san IS an American, it is this humble one's opinion that the most venerable and traditional mystical mumbo jumbo spiel is more likely to appeal to his gaijin sensibilities."

"Ah," Sensie nodded," "I suppose you are right. Sometimes the old ways ARE the best."

"And if that fails," the kunoichi added with a delicate blush, "It would be my honor to try giving him a blow job."

"Indeed," Sensei nodded. "Your devotion to Yamanouchi is most appreciated, Yori-chan."

"_As is your apparent willingness to fuck at the drop of a hat,"_ the wizened old man thought to himself as he admired the shifting buttocks in the kunoichi's ass as she preceded him from the altar. One way or another, his school would soon have a new champion, and the American would never know what hit him.

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_**LEGAL SCHTUFF:**__ Ron Stoppable, Yori, Sensei and and the Yamanouichi Ninja School are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc, and this story should be considered to take place during a timeframe in which all sexually active parties are over 18 years of age.. _


	8. 1  800  Eeeeevil!

AN: Mostly sort of kind of written for Brendan K's Evils Of Blogging Challenge on SlashHaven… I don't think it ended up actually having anything to do with the challenge, but whatever…

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**1-800-Eeeeevil!**

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"Hello and welcome to evilHamony, the service that connects busy villains with the sidekicks/henchman/partner of their dreams."

"Hi... uh... my name is Drew, and I've been thinking about using your service, but the TV ads are rather vague... could you explain a bit more?"

"Certainly sir... um, you ARE a sir, right?"

"Well of course!"

"We have to check sir, there was a nasty mix-up with one of the Venture Brother's foes a few years back. Fortunately, she swang both ways and I understand that she and Molotov Cocktease have been getting along famously."

"Oh, well, I guess I can see how that could happen."

"With all the heavy masks and voice distorters these days, you'd be surprised. But, since we're on the subject, are you looking for a same sex or opposite sex partner?"

"Oppo... you know what? Let's say I'm open on the subject. My previous sidekick was female and she ended up running off with my arch-nemesis, the little redheaded tramp."

"A smart move sir, it really opens up your options and makes finding the ideal match much simpler. SO with gender off the table, did you have any preferences that you WOULD like to list?"

"Well... this is awkward but I'm Blue."

"You're depressed?"

"No, I'm physically blue. Horrendous accident involving an industrial washer, a crate of fountain pens and gamma radiation... but that's neither here or there. The problem is that I tend to clash terribly with a lot of costume schemes."

"Ah, say no more. So I'm guessing that you'd prefer someone who's also blue, or in a complementary color like purple or green."

"I like green."

"Perfect! Sir, I have someone that may be perfect for you, and since he's on his third match with us, I'm willing to let you get the contact information free."

"Free? I can't lose with that, can I?"

"No sir, you can't. His name is Little Green Sprout, but don't let that fool you. They grow big in his family and he really hasn't fit the name in years. He's... quite large and extremely strong."

"Fantastic! When and where can I meet him?"

"Hold on, let me get your address so I can find the nearest open air restaurant to you..."

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_Psst - to those who want to who 'correct' swang, it was intentional... as in  
_

_ "Guys often hit on me cos they know I'm gay. _

_the best retort there I find is 'I __didn't know you swang_ my _way_'," _Orig: Scotland/ N. England, but now recognized.  
_

_Legal disclaimers: 'Drew' is the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. The Venture Brothers and Molotov Cocktease are the creations of __Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer and owned by same. The Little Green Sprout is a trademark of Green Giant, a division of General Mills, __ Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18._


	9. Decisions

_AN – goodness, this is the ninth sort to go into the Omkimbus, which I'm probably going to be capping at 10 tales. There'll be other anthologies, no doubt… I just felt this one was getting a little unwieldy. _

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**Decisions**

A short short by SHADO Commander

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Kim looked at the two documents and sighed. Of course, she'd been doing that for hours now and it hadn't got her any further than this. One way or another, she was going to have to make a decision.

"Are you STILL looking at those, KP?" Ron asked, wandering into the kitchen from the living room where he'd been playing Haze with the Tweebs.

"Well, yeah!" Kim replied in frustration. "I mean, this is a decision that will change my life forever!"

"Well, duh… that's what becoming an adult is all about, isn't it?" Ron shrugged. "You should have seen my dad freak when I told him I'd decided to go to a culinary academy instead of the school of accounting."

"Yeah, but that was a choice between a school you didn't want to go to and one that you did," Kim countered.

"I guess that's true," Ron nodded.

"But to be honest," Kim admitted, "This isn't a decision I wasn't expecting to have to make… so I, er… never really thought about it."

Looking back down at the twin acceptance letters, the about to turn college age redhead sighed again. "I mean, getting accepted to either of them was more than I ever expected, but both? Both?"

"Kim," Ron shook his head ruefully. "You're Kim Possible. Of course they're both going to want you."

"Everyone says that, but I'm really just a basic, average girl…" Kim argued, looking back down at the twin acceptance letters on the table.

Avengers ... ... Justice League

Which to choose… which to choose…

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_**Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Justice League of America is the property of DC Comics and Time Warner Communications. The Avengers is the property of Marvel Comics, which also happens to be part of the Disney family of companies. All use should be considered fair under current parody law, and is not for profit in any case. _


	10. Cosplay

AN: Written in response to Ffordesson's Shego/Catwoman challenge at the Haven. Legal at bottom.

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**Cosplay**

By SHADO Commander

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"Why would I dress as CATWOMAN?" Shego growled, looking at the vinyl costume in disgust. Didn't they have any Green Lantern or She Hulk costumes?"

"She Hulk has a costume?" Kim blinked. "I thought she just wore rags."

"I forget you were too busy being a comic book hero to ever read about them," Shego sighed.

"Whereas you went through all of Hego's when you were a kid, I know…" Kim nodded. "But we were invited to this party at the last minute and Catwoman is what the store still had in your size. It was this, a cheerleader or a witch, and I KNOW how you feel about the witch costumes."

"She doesn't even have any powers," Shego grumbled. "And whoever heard of a green Catwoman?"

"It's just for a few hours," Kim smiled, reaching up and stroking her green love's cheek. "Just wear it for me and I'll make it up to you later."

"Yeah?" Shego looked dubious. "How?"

"Have you seen the costume I got for myself?" Kim grinned, holding the package containing the Batgirl suit up for her lover's approval. "Once the party's over we can have a second party all our own. It's been way… way… too long since you tied me up properly."

Kim finished her pitch with a nibble on Shego's earlobe that turned into a playful lick and a whispered "Pretty please, Mistress?"

Shego went as Catwoman.

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_**Holy Bat-Legal stuff!:**__ Kim Possible and Shego borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Catwoman and Batgirl are property of DC Comics and Time Warner Communications. All use should be considered fair under current parody law, and is not for profit in any case. Finally, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18_


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